Welcome to the first addition of “Housewives Haiku!” If you don’t know what a haiku is, look it up. My goal is to recap the housewives each week in a simple form, with just a few added notes in-between. If you’ve been a fan of MHH, then you know I recently had a baby, (if not you can read about it here and here!!) and I don’t have time for my typical, long-winded recaps (I’m sure they’ll be back from time to time). So hopefully this format allows me to better keep up a bit … because even with my sweet sweet boy, mama needs a break at times, and my girls on Bravo help with that!

First up: RHOA “The Regift That Keeps on Giving”

Kenya is messy,
yet, I’m so here for the shade!
Cynthia? Girl, bye!

I’m sick of the Cynthia and Nene feud, who cares, it’s happened before. I also feel like, why is Cynthia starting this random friendship with Eva, plus starting in with Kenya (who is supposed to be her close friend), and then also bringing around “I’m that b**** Yovanna” whoever she is …? Everything seems like Cynthia is trying to keep herself relevant for the show … which I guess was what Nene basically said about her, to continue said feud; that Cynthia is looking desperate? That’s not really cool of Nene to say, though because she’s freaking annoying too! Remember her behavior and attitude at last season’s reunion (Rose & Thorn: RHOA Reunion) ?? Eck. If anything, I’m just wanting more Porsha and Kenya friendship, Kandi is interesting to me, so she can have more screen time too; Marlo taking in her nieces and nephews (she was incredible this episode btw), make that a story line, please! But, time to cancel Nene and Miss “Chill”.

Then, RHOC “Wild Wild Key West”

Never thought I’d say,
OC is so good right now.
Holy! Reunion!

By that, I mean the reunion is going to be cray. Speaking of cray, could you imagine being at that bar at one in the morning, hearing grown women yelling at each other, calling one another sluts?! Could you even more imagine being those guys, driving the little tiki boats, hearing the housewives say the things they said? Screaming, gesturing the way they did; Kelly again calling Vicki a pig? I mean, my dream in life is to witness a housewife fight in person, but if you didn’t know these people?! I can’t imagine what someone would think. As for the fights, I’m not sure whose side I’m on. Kelly gives a low blow, then apologizes, then gives another low blow. But at the same time, the tres amigas aren’t innocent either. I think I’m Team Emily this episode; she had some great one-liners, especially comparing the women to drag queens *cough* Vicki. And speaking of Vicki, a special haiku for her …

Little family van.
Never been with multiples.
I was the one conned.

Check back for another addition of “Housewives Haiku” in which we’ll recap Jersey & Dallas!