Housewives Haiku

Welcome to the first addition of “Housewives Haiku!” If you don’t know what a haiku is, look it up. My goal is to recap the housewives each week in a simple form, with just a few added notes in-between. If you’ve been a fan of MHH, then you know I recently had a baby, (if not you can read about it here andย here!!) and I don’t have time for my typical, long-winded recaps (I’m sure they’ll be back from time to time). So hopefully this format allows me to better keep up a bit … because even with my sweet sweet boy, mama needs a break at times, and my girls on Bravo help with that!

First up: RHOA “The Regift That Keeps on Giving”

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Kenya is messy,
yet, I’m so here for the shade!
Cynthia? Girl, bye!

I’m sick of the Cynthia and Nene feud, who cares, it’s happened before. I also feel like, why is Cynthia starting this random friendship with Eva, plus starting in with Kenya (who is supposed to be her close friend), and then also bringing around “I’m that b**** Yovanna” whoever she is …? Everything seems like Cynthia is trying to keep herself relevant for the show … which I guess was what Nene basically said about her, to continue said feud; that Cynthia is looking desperate? That’s not really cool of Nene to say, though because she’s freaking annoying too! Remember her behavior and attitude at last season’s reunion (Rose & Thorn: RHOA Reunion) ?? Eck. If anything, I’m just wanting more Porsha and Kenya friendship, Kandi is interesting to me, so she can have more screen time too; Marlo taking in her nieces and nephews (she was incredible this episode btw), make that a story line, please! But, time to cancel Nene and Miss “Chill”.

Then, RHOC “Wild Wild Key West”

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Never thought I’d say,
OC is so good right now.
Holy! Reunion!

By that, I mean the reunion is going to be cray. Speaking of cray, could you imagine being at that bar at one in the morning, hearing grown women yelling at each other, calling one another sluts?! Could you even more imagine being those guys, driving the little tiki boats, hearing the housewives say the things they said? Screaming, gesturing the way they did; Kellyย again calling Vicki a pig? I mean, my dream in life is to witness a housewife fight in person, but if you didn’t know these people?! I can’t imagine what someone would think. As for the fights, I’m not sure whose side I’m on. Kelly gives a low blow, then apologizes, then gives another low blow. But at the same time, the tres amigas aren’t innocent either. I think I’m Team Emily this episode; she had some great one-liners, especially comparing the women to drag queens *cough* Vicki. And speaking of Vicki, a special haiku for her …

Little family van.
Never been with multiples.
I was the one conned.

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Check back for another addition of “Housewives Haiku” in which we’ll recap Jersey & Dallas!

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The OC is Out of Control

“I was rooting for you; we were all rooting for you!”

In recent years, I have very much become a member of Team Kelly Dodd, despite her past behavior …

… AND what about the “no wonder her daughter doesn’t speak to her” comment. I’ve swept it all under the bridge, forgiven her, and jumped on her bandwagon. I’ve also understood why she’s been so upset at the ladies recently, between Vicki’s coke accusation & Tamra’s train comment. But despite all of it, Kelly was back to her old ways on this week’s episode.

I’m not talking about hitting Shannon on the head; honestly, I don’t think Kelly even hit her that hard & Shannon will take any excuse to dramatically play the victim. I’m talking about everything nasty Kelly said to Gina (talk about kicking someone when they’re down …) & how awful she was to Tamra on the phone. Kelly just got downright dirty this week (oh! And did you catch her on WWHL?! Awkwwwwward!)

The Emily of it all….

I have a bone to pick with Emily too. I’m disappointed because she was another one I was cheering for this season.

I’m sad at how she’s treating Gina, who is a mess. Emily should have ๐Ÿ’ฏ percent been sympathetic about why Gina wouldn’t go to Vegas and defended her when Kelly attacked Gina. I think Emily is simply jealous of Gina’s relationship with the blondes, plus she’s sad. She has to be; wouldn’t you be sad if you were married to Shane this season?

In closing …

While I’m not of the same mind with Kelly and how she acted this week,  I do agree with her that Shannon should not have been drinking if she had a concussion, and I can understand Kelly’s reasons to not trust Shannon (and if you’ve been keeping up with them presently, nothing seems better). I’m also glad Kelly made up & comforted Gina. You could say that Kelly redeemed herself in the end (until next week).

I’m proud of Vicki this episode. She stayed in her room when Kelly was talking about her right outside. She didn’t seem to start any drama either (yet). And one more time Kelly, TAMRA said “train” not Vicki (omg I’m defending Vicki ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ).

The scene in the yoga studio confirmed to me that Emily is for sure jealous of Gina’s friendship with Tamra & Shannon. However, Emily handled herself well because Tamra & Shannon’s faces alone would have pissed me off.

The Orange County housewives are definitely bringing the drama this season and if you’re not watching due to lack of entertainment in the past, pick it back up asap!

Next week looks just as epic!๐ŸŠ๐ŸŠ๐ŸŠ๐ŸŠ๐ŸŠ๐ŸŠ๐ŸŠ๐ŸŠ๐ŸŠ๐ŸŠ๐ŸŠ

“Because she blocked me on Instagram!” RHOC Recap

Orange County is back!

We’re three episodes into the 14th season of Orange County, and I have some thoughts! An orange was taken away from an OG, while a mother of seven has come to entertain …

Shannon

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Fun Shannon is here and she wants everyone to know it!! It’s a teeeeny bit annoying though, like stop trying to make fetch happen. However, I prefer this Shannon over “You will all see the truth!” sad, crying Shannon.

Per the first few episodes, I’m very proud of Shannon for accepting Braunwyn, instead of rejecting her like she’s done with new girls in the past (“I start charities, Meghan!”). I hope her positive attitude lasts the rest of the season. And, while I’m loving, living, HERE FOR a Kelly/Shannon bffriendship, that does not look like it lasts …. hmmm …. !!!
(I blame Tamra๐Ÿš‚)

Gina

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Ughhhh, why did Bravo bring her back? What does she add to the show besides a DUI? All I’m really getting from Gina in are Amanda Bynes vibes, with the horrible platinum hair and bad decisions.

However, Gina let us know how we got here on this week’s episode: her husband had an affair and seems to still be seeing the women he cheated with. Clearly Gina didn’t want to reveal any of this on the show, but now it all makes so much sense! This explains why she was so vague about their divorce last season, plus explains why she seems to be struggling so much this year. Ugh, I actually feel really bad for her.

Kelly

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“Pancake titties!”

I’m here for Kelly this season, much as I am every season. She has a new man (currently over), a blossoming friendship with Shannon (also over), and one of the better taglines (at least she gets one win!). Seeing as so much has changed in her relationships since filming, I’m curious to see how the season plays out for her.

I also want to say I think she’s a great mom (the ski trip looked so fun!), and I feel terrible for the DMs her daughter received due to the drama between Kelly and Vicki. #boo

(I just realized I picked horrible pictures of the women … oh well ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ™ƒ)

Tamra

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New house, same Tamra. We’ve learned Eddie is healthy, and Ryan is a Trump stan, but besides that, what’s really new with Tamra except for her two new staircases and county club membership?

This week (again) not much happened with Tamra, except at the blonde bombshell dinner towards the end of the episode. Tamra yelled out ” train” in regards to a rumor about Kelly. Go on Twitter if you don’t know what this means; I refuse to say. For Tamra (in real time) to not understand “what she did” to Kelly, like, Tamra can’t be that dumb; the proof was at that dinner and what she said regarding Kelly. Honestly I’m very disappointed in Tamra.

Emily

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Is Emily the next housewife to follow in the footsteps of so many before her and get divorced? She should because Shane is freaking awful! He had some bad moments last season, but I can’t bear to watch anything regarding him this season! Emily literally threw a dinner for his family and he couldn’t bother to show! Not only that, on the phone he was a complete ๐Ÿ† to her!! Perhaps Shane’s getting a bad edit?

I think not though because this week Emily shared the Vegas performance she planned for him, and how he shut that down. I kind of agreed with Gina that Shane wouldn’t be into it, however, at the end of the day, I’m over his studying/horrible attitude/bad edit. I’m needing a new story line for Em.

New Girl

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How has Braunwyn not become an OC housewife sooner?! She may be the first newbie I not only approve of, but am obsessed with! She has the best tagline (“I manage to wrangle a family of nine and still look like a ten”), she fits in well with the women, she stood up to Vicki (but was also willing to apologize!), she is (appears to be) a great mom, and she’s open & honest! I was so surprised by the story she shared with Shannon about all her daughter’s struggles. I’m really here for Braunwyn friendship with Shannon, and learning more about her this season!

Friend Of

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๐Ÿท๐Ÿท

I can NOT believe the pig video Kelly sent to Vicki! While you should never ever speak on someone’s looks, Vicki took the first shot by throwing out into the universe that Kelly does cocaine. However, the bigger story this season is that Vicki got “demoted” to “friend of”; I’m not quite sure how I feel about this. To me, OC isn’t the OC without the OG, but recently all the OGs have been so annoying & self-centered (Vicki, Nene, Teresa, LVP, Luann), so it’s probably a good lesson to learn: no housewife is safe.

For Vicki, this week’s episode opened with the continued fight between her and Kelly at Tamra’s, basically a replay of the last 10 minutes of last week’s show.

Vicki is tooooo much; she was her classic Vicki self in the way she attempted to “lecture” Braunwynn how to act & think in the group, and at the ladies’ dinner, Vicki continued her messy messy ways, by spreading more lies about Kelly. Vicki said juuuuust enough to cause problems (“What I know is so much worse than doing coke”), then drunk Tamra finished it for her (๐Ÿš‚).

If all these rumors are going to do anything, it will be to provide us with some intense drama in the weeks to come!

The 12th Reunion of Orange County

Orange County has been on as long as my students have been alive. So class, raise your hand if you remember Jo in her maid’s outfit?

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Raise your hand if you remember Vicki’s small van rant?

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Raise your hand if you remember Tamra throwing wine at Jeana? Drunk Gretchen (“Tam RUH!”) or the Brooks cancer scam?

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Yeah, it’s been a crazy twelve years with the ever changing cast of Orange County Housewives and here we are again for another rollercoaster reunion!

Loved:

Although Meghan wasย beyond annoying this season, her hair looked great (dress & shoes too!) on the reunion! Tamra’s earrings were on fleek and Shannon’s weight was looking good!

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How much support Shannon got regarding her weight and David; not sure some of the other women would be this strong enough to put it all out there like Shannon did. PROUD of her also for being a good mom and role model for her daughters in making the decision to separate.

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Anyone else like how Peggy had to turn to Andy for advice in order to escape from the three Blonde Bombshells on the couch … Andy can’t save you Peggy!

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TOTALLY KNEW MEGHAN WAS GOING TO ANNOUNCE ANOTHER PREGNANCY ON THE REUNION; ugh …..!!! I’m really only happy Jimmy is finally getting a boy.

Questions:

I’m still really confused about why Tamra’s daughter is so so upset with her; is it all just because of the divorce? Or is it all because of the show? I mean, thinking like a daughter maybe I can see it … maybe I can see how having Tamra as a mom may be difficult BUT I’M NOT CRITICIZING HER! I LOVE TAMRA! (her facelift looks amazing as well!)

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Who knew Shannon’s maiden name was Storm (Storme?). Also, did anyone count how many times she said “I’m done!” ??

Shockers & Surprises:

Damn Lydia! Chill ouuuuut! I agree with all the people who said Lydia came for everyone this year so she could have more of a storyline. She was not nasty like this the last time she was on the show.ย I mean, calling Shannon all those crazy references, umm pretty sure the Bible does not condone name calling…

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I’m really proud of Kelly this season (blogger say whaaa). I’m just proud of her for making up with the girls, not getting too much into the drama, and being strong about everything with Michael. She even said Shannon was a good person #whoa !! On her side against Meghan too!

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Holy Vicki shedding tears for Shannon’s marriage; I don’t feel it’s fake. Do you?

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Additional Thoughts:

Shannon & Tamra’s friendship remind me of LeeAnne and D’Andra from RHOD.

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Peggy is so irrelevant; barely spoke during the reunion. BRING! BACK! HEATHER!

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Hahahahaha! Nothing was wrong with Vicki in Iceland; she was just on drugs!

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It was nice they all made up at the end (Vicki, Tamra, Shannon) buuuuuut I’m kind of over it; blah blah blah, come sit on my couch; it was also awkward to watch all the other women watch. I’m not convinced they’re back … true fans have been here before.

Prove us wrong ladies.

Here’s to another twelve years!ย 

“Read Between These Lines” – RHOC 12×3

When Andy Cohen tweets and says that the newest episode ofย The Real Housewives of Orange County is going to “blow your mind” you record Bachelorette and tune in to Bravo in real time. However, Mr. Cohen I only agree with you regarding about 10 minutes of the episode. So, with that being said, I’m not going to cover the entire hour, just the dinner … or events leading up to (and then of course, the dinner).

Shannon kept asking herself in this episode, “How did I get here?” in regards to her weight, but the real question is how did we get here:

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Shannon and Tamra decide to go to dinner with Lydia and the new girl … Patty? Peggy? I honestly don’t know; she’s not that interesting to me at the moment.

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Lydia FaceTimes Kelly and invites her to dinner. Did anyone catch Lydia’s comment “Oh I’m going to invite my friend (or maybe evenย good friend?)” and then the episode cuts to literally THE DAY BEFORE when she first met Kelly?! That is not your friend; that is your acquaintance. Plus at that very same lunch or dinner Lydia finds out that Kelly is not a fan of Tamra and Shannon (or maybe it’s the other way around). So tell me this little fairy dust unicorn, why would you invite Kelly to this dinner, especially when you’re already on rocky terms with Shannon?

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This is when I officially became suspicious of Lydia. Last week, she knew that the subject of Vicki was a sore spot with Shannon and Tamra, yet brings Vicki up to them — only to get upset when it doesn’t go over well.

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Then, Lydia invites Kelly to dinner, knowing Kelly isn’t on good terms with the very people she’s about to have dinner with. When Kelly shows up, Lydia acts completely surprised like “What is she doing her?” ARE YOU KIDDING ME; YOU INVITED HER!

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Finally, Lydia prays with Shannon; oh now you’re going to be a genuine person Lydia? Listen, I know Shannon sees red and loses her marbles sometime; it’s not a good look …

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but I get it. Shannon had just been to the gym to talk to her doctor about her weight. Honestly, he didn’t really seem all that supportive (say wow one more time…). On top of that, Shannon is about to have dinner with someone who just compared her to Vicki, then throw a Kelly Dodd ambush into the mix. Yeah, I’d start to get hot too. Kelly’s vile words sent Shannon over the edge and that is how we got to this:

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Honestly, it made for great television. I wish I had a strong enough backbone to use the line: “Read between these lines!” on someone I don’t like. Plus, sue Shannon for also getting upset her own food she ordered wasn’t in front of her when she returned from the bathroom. I feel bad for her that she got so emotional; she did say she’d be upset about it for days. But lucky for us, this was only episode three of the season; just imagine what more is to come. Until then, I’ll be watching and tweeting right along with the rest of you.

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