Housewives Haiku

Welcome to the first addition of “Housewives Haiku!” If you don’t know what a haiku is, look it up. My goal is to recap the housewives each week in a simple form, with just a few added notes in-between. If you’ve been a fan of MHH, then you know I recently had a baby, (if not you can read about it here and here!!) and I don’t have time for my typical, long-winded recaps (I’m sure they’ll be back from time to time). So hopefully this format allows me to better keep up a bit … because even with my sweet sweet boy, mama needs a break at times, and my girls on Bravo help with that!

First up: RHOA “The Regift That Keeps on Giving”

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Kenya is messy,
yet, I’m so here for the shade!
Cynthia? Girl, bye!

I’m sick of the Cynthia and Nene feud, who cares, it’s happened before. I also feel like, why is Cynthia starting this random friendship with Eva, plus starting in with Kenya (who is supposed to be her close friend), and then also bringing around “I’m that b**** Yovanna” whoever she is …? Everything seems like Cynthia is trying to keep herself relevant for the show … which I guess was what Nene basically said about her, to continue said feud; that Cynthia is looking desperate? That’s not really cool of Nene to say, though because she’s freaking annoying too! Remember her behavior and attitude at last season’s reunion (Rose & Thorn: RHOA Reunion) ?? Eck. If anything, I’m just wanting more Porsha and Kenya friendship, Kandi is interesting to me, so she can have more screen time too; Marlo taking in her nieces and nephews (she was incredible this episode btw), make that a story line, please! But, time to cancel Nene and Miss “Chill”.

Then, RHOC “Wild Wild Key West”

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Never thought I’d say,
OC is so good right now.
Holy! Reunion!

By that, I mean the reunion is going to be cray. Speaking of cray, could you imagine being at that bar at one in the morning, hearing grown women yelling at each other, calling one another sluts?! Could you even more imagine being those guys, driving the little tiki boats, hearing the housewives say the things they said? Screaming, gesturing the way they did; Kelly again calling Vicki a pig? I mean, my dream in life is to witness a housewife fight in person, but if you didn’t know these people?! I can’t imagine what someone would think. As for the fights, I’m not sure whose side I’m on. Kelly gives a low blow, then apologizes, then gives another low blow. But at the same time, the tres amigas aren’t innocent either. I think I’m Team Emily this episode; she had some great one-liners, especially comparing the women to drag queens *cough* Vicki. And speaking of Vicki, a special haiku for her …

Little family van.
Never been with multiples.
I was the one conned.

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Check back for another addition of “Housewives Haiku” in which we’ll recap Jersey & Dallas!

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Rose & Thorn: RHOA Reunion

First, let me apologize that this is coming so late in the week when the final part of the reunion was last Sunday. But you know what else airs on Sundays? Game of Freaking Thrones, so that’s been consuming the blog lately! You can catch up if you need to …

“We’re All Going to Die, But At Least We Die Together” GOT Recap 8×2
“You’re the True King” GOT 8×1
Game of Thrones is Back!! … almost

However, we are here to discuss the ladies of Atlanta and mainly the Season 11 reunion. I first thought I’d recap it (but you all watched). Then I thought I’d just share some overall thoughts (but my thoughts were a jumbled mess). Instead I decided to give my rose and thorn of this reunion; I’m curious to see if you all agree!

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Reunion Rose: Porsha Williams

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First, she was best dressed! Her baby bump brought the entire look together, but those earrings and her hair?? Flaw- less! Two, RHOA has officially become Porsha’s show. If you disagree, how? Take out this season entirely (because she’s a new person this season), and in the past it’s always been Porsha to bring the funny and the fighting.

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While the Kenya hair pull is iconic, she’s no longer that woman. This season Porsha was nothing, if not the voice of reason, especially at the reunion. Maybe it was impending motherhood? Maybe it was her sobriety? Maybe it’s her new man and the fact that she’s now truly happy? Whatever it is, I thought she was on the right side of every single argument. I loved how she squashed her beef with Kandi and also stood up to Nene, but did so in a very mature way. “That shit was hurtful,” she said regarding how the women were really trying to be there for Nene this season, yet Nene completely wrote them off as friends.

I’m telling you, Porsha is going to be soon become to face of the Atlanta Housewives!

Reunion Thorn: Nene Leakes

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I’m going to try very hard to not turn this into one big rant against Nene, but it’s going to be tough.

“I’m the real G!”

“Kandi’s not important”

And something else about how hard some women have to work to keep their peaches. At this point, Nene has reached OG crazy level where she thinks the entire show 100% revolves around her and wouldn’t be able to continue without her. LVP has shown this attitude for years, by never apologizing or never admitting when she’s wrong. Vicki proves this each season when she’s terrible to the new girls and always refers to RHOC as “her show.” Teresa was over the top about it on the last Jersey reunion, completely shunning Melissa for not taking her side and stating that any woman no longer on the show was because of her, meaning Teresa had a say in their departures.

Being an original cast member does not maketh the entire show ladies. Nene had SUCH a smug look on her face the whole reunion that at one point even Andy asked her, “What’s wrong?” in an extremely fed up tone.

I get she’s under an unimaginable amount of pressure because of her husband’s cancer, plus she feels very betrayed by her close friends (or friend* … Cynthia), buuuuut none of that gives her the right to think she’s better than anyone else on the show or to sit smugly on the couch for the entire three part, all day, reunion.

Closing Thoughts

If you think I chose these two ladies as my rose and thorn because they got the seats next to Andy, you’re wrong. But, obviously I’m completely in tune with Bravo.

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I was very proud of Cynthia for standing her ground against Nene because she rarely does stand up for herself. It was so dumb that the last five minutes of the entire season was a majority of the basis for the reunion, but whateverrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. In fact, out in the Twittersville, rumor is Kenya is going to come back, which means Cynthia has an ally now going into next season and going up against Nene. #TeamKenthia all the way!

And finally, the shady boot definitely needs to go to Mr. Andy Cohen. I wish I would have written down some of the questions he asked as I watched, but it seemed like if one housewife was discussing an issue with another housewife, he immediately went to that person to get their thoughts, but he always worded it to sound … not the most genuine! Buuuut, according to him …

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… and he gets better and better at it each reunion!

Atlanta Takes Tokyo

and Marlo loses her bag …

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If my favorite thing about watching Housewives is the reunions, then my second favorite has to be cast trips. The ladies of Atlanta are currently (well currently on the show) visiting Tokyo, Japan.

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The looks have been on point, the antics have made me laugh, and the drama has been reeeeal!

“She gonna murder one of us tonight; I can feel it”

Eva vs. Everything

Sweet, hippie Eva can’t seem to catch a break this trip. First, she gets into it with Porsha regarding the shady comments Eva’s been making all season. What I took from Porsha was that Eva needs to just own when she’s been shady, because as Nene was saying, if you’re going to throw shade in this group of women, “someone will call you out” on it.

However, Eva owned it all when she went up against Marlo, which honestly has been a long time coming this season between these two

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I was proud of Eva for standing her ground against Marlo, plus Eva needed a win after receiving the horrible news regarding her grandfather. We need to keep Eva in all our prayers because re-watching and reliving it back now for her probably really sucks.

Nene

I think this trip is showing Nene in one of her most honest lights. By that I mean, Greg’s health is breaking her down, and the Tokyo trip is her breaking point. First, there was her argument with Tanya, where I kind of saw both sides. I thought Nene’s comment about “marrying someone else” at the temple could’ve been taken as rude. I also think the reason Nene stormed out of the sushi restaurant was because she couldn’t really defend her comment; it was ill-mannered. At the same time Tanya girl, get thicker skin. But, maybe Nene left because she was tired and just over it all. She made a comment and didn’t mean anything serious by it, or that’s how she defended it. For once, with this “feud” I saw all sides, mostly because a) I’m (overly) sensitive like Tanya, but b) I know Nene can say whatever she wants to people regardless of consequences. If this disagreement tells us anything, it’s that Tanya may not be cut out to be a housewife and Nene (as mentioned) is breaking, if not already broken.

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Speaking of Nene, she got left! Porsha’s comment about her murdering someone could not have been more real; I was terrified for that sweet tour guide, who not only had to endure the back and forth between Eva and Marlo, but basically had to babysit these women the entire trip, telling them to be quiet and to be on time. WHICH, I just can not get over that the ladies had the audacity to be 30-45 minutes late the first day, after specifically being told the night before to be on time. In the end, sweet tour guide didn’t come to play when she finally left Nene.

Final Thoughts & Next Week

Closing, I loved how Porsha announced her pregnancy and I’m excited to see her journey the rest of the season. I totally related to Kandi regarding food on the trip; I’ve traveled to China before and like Kandi, I do not have an exotic pallet. Lastly, how great was the Xscape karaoke moment between all the women? I loved that they were bonding, getting along, and singing Kandi’s song!  

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Next week Tokyo continues for the ladies and looks to include strippers, samurai, probably more sushi, a breakdown from Nene, and a spilled secret from Kandi about Dennis.

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One Thing Before We Go …

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THIS. WAS. THE. MOST. EPIC. EVENT. I. NEVER. THOUGHT. COULD. HAPPEN. AND. DIDN’T. KNOW. I. NEEDED. TO. HAPPEN!!!

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From Rinna screaming at all of them to dance, to Kyle’s dirty suit at the end of the night, to the overall amazing and beautiful guestlist. It was just a magical adult version of a fairy tale and solidified, SOLIDIFIED my Housewife love!

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