The Bachelor Finale & Thoughts on Hannah B.

How did we go from this …

Image result for colton jump fence gif

Image result for colton jump fence gif

Image result for colton jump fence gif

to this?Image result for bachelor finale  Image result for bachelor finale

Honestly, I don’t really care how it all went down; I’m just glad it’s over. I’m thrilled we don’t have to see Colton whine or discuss his virginity anymore; like, I’m so done with his season … and to me (unpopular opinion coming), it could not have ended worse.

First, let me say I didn’t even watch part one of the two part finale; we were in Dallas, TX for a Spring Break/”Babymoon” living the good life, searching for Dallas Housewives and attending Maverick basketball games. However, the hubs did get us home in time on Tuesday for the final final episode.

I didn’t go back and watch Monday’s show because I already knew what I missed. Bye Tayshia. Bye Hannah G. Go find Cassie.

Image result for tayshia bachelor

Although I am a little sad I missed Chris Harrison telling Colton “maybe she’s just not that into you.”

Image result for she's just not into you gif

However, Colton is not JGL, nooo, there is something he can do about it! He can go after his girl and basically stalk her until she commits to at least some sort of something with him. Thus leading to a very boring Tuesday night episode, where we already knew who the winner was going to be. We were just watching Colton and Cassie, what, date like regular people?

I guess there was the shock on Cassie’s face that he sent the other girls home, more begging from Colton, Cassie meeting his parents (who did not seem impressed) and their fantasy suite date (“Did they or didn’t they? Did they or didn’t they? Did they or didn’t they?”).

Image result for cassie and colton spain

It really seemed like she still may not fully go through with this, them being a couple and all. Was she only on the show originally to gain some IG fame, but got blindsided when Colton actually liked, excused me, loved her? Girl, what show did you think you were on? Her back and forth, wishy-washy attitude, combined with his pussy-ass begging, “don’t ever leave me” self was too much for me to handle, thus my pleasure that it’s finally over.

But look, I can’t always be so cynical; maybe it was the Air Supply song that really got to me, but in the end (thank goodness it’s the end) I’m happy for a happy couple. While they seem beyond annoying, and all of Colton’s current posts about her feel as if he’s never been in a true relationship …

Screenshot 2019-03-14 at 5.31.56 PM

I applaud them for doing what we all want Bachelor couples to do … actually be in a real relationship, like us normal folk do when you’ve only know someone a few months. The pressure of an engagement on this show (and heaven forbid a wedding!) is too much, so props to them for sticking to what average humans do. And I wish them well, despite what you’ve read here or despite what I may say in the future, I really do hope it all works out!

Image result for cassie and colton

The Most Awkward Bachelorette in History??

Image result for bachelorette hannah brown gif

Okay look, I know everyone is like “Give her some PR and speech classes!” and “If she’s a pageant girl, shouldn’t she be able to talk?” But COME ON GUYS, like you could do better? I am here for Hannah Brown and all her awkward, beast mode, mispronounced words beauty.

Image result for bachelorette hannah brown gif

I love how authentic and true she is, and I think going through Colton’s season really humbled her, both with the Caelynn drama and getting her heart broken. Plus her guys’ photos (those to be on this season) were released earlier in the week, and while they all look terrible, don’t most Bach pictures look terrible in the beginning? I’m sure we’ll have some fiiiiine men when it all plays out.

I was a huge Hannah B. stan from the beginning, and while I feel justice needs to be served for the other Hannah (who didn’t even get a fantasy suite date!), I’m so so so looking forward to watching the next season of The Bachelorette … which is saying a lot, as this show can get too much for me most times.

Come find me on social media …

Screenshot 2019-03-14 at 6.20.56 PM

Screenshot 2019-03-14 at 6.21.17 PM

to discuss all things Bachelor Nation!! I love making new friends! Until next time!

Image result for bachelor peace gif

Battle of the Beauty Queens — Bachelor Recap

“I feel like I’m in a Bachelor tornado …” 

Image result for cartoon tornado gif

What I mean by that is … the show has been coming at me fast and I haven’t had time to really process it. I don’t know any of the girls’ names, I barely watch the show live or live tweet, and I have yet to decide how I feel about Colton. It’s moving too quickly to absorb … and plus, I find myself just not caring. I’d rather watch reruns of Vanderpump than a new episode of Bach.

BUT!!

I’m committed to you all and I know you’re waiting to hear my thoughts on Colton’s season!

Image result for lets roll gif

Colton as the Bachelor

I struggle with Colton because of his past with the show. It seems too convenient that he would go from meeting/hooking up with Tia, to being on Becca’s season, to Paradise back with Tia, to finally dump her in the end and become the next Bachelor (see: Colton is the Worst).

Image result for thirsty gif

I’m going to try really hard to not let those feelings bleed into his season, so I paid extra attention to Colton on this week’s episode to see if my feelings about him changed. Here is what I came up with:

  • He is insanely easy to read. You can tell which girls he really likes versus the girls the producers are telling him to  keep around.
  • He also just tells the girls, “I like you” so maybe that’s why he’s easy to read??
  • He’s emotional; I can’t tell if it’s the good amount in a partner or the whiny amount that would annoy me.
  • Yes, Colton works with kids and is a human teddy bear around them, but my cynical side thinks it’s another way for him to promote himself … I know I know, that makes me sound like a terrible person, but in the safe space of my computer I’m not afraid to admit it.
  •  I think Colton needs an older woman, not just because I love Elyse so much (see below) … but I like what she brings out in Colton. I like him with her … and that’s my first time (ever) saying I like him.

The Girls

My initial favorite was Miss Alabama Hannah, until that treacherous one-on-one from last week where girlfriend couldn’t even muster up a toast. Aren’t you a pageant girl? Can’t you make up some BS on a dime? Then this week she discussed Caelynn with Colton, and you just don’t talk about other girls with the main dude. Ever. While so much of this show is edit by edit, pieced together to create either a story line or drama, I truly don’t think Hannah has been edited that often; I think she’s really as insecure, not poised, and crazy as she appears. Guess I now have to pick a new favorite. Sighhh.

As far as any in the running for my new fav, I like the other Hannah, who also happens to be from Alabama? She got the first impression rose, and while I would like to say comes across genuine, I’ve clearly been burned by one Alabamahannah this season and we’re only three episodes in. So who knows.

Image result for hannah b bachelor gif

As mentioned, I la la la love Elyse! I would actually like to see her as the next Bachelorette, with guys in their late 20s – 30s vying for her … less douche canoes. I mean, if she doesn’t end up with Colton, because as said, I kind of like them together. However, nothing I want ever happens on this show, so moving right along.

For all holy entertainment purposes, I hope he KEEPS DEMI FOREVER!! “I don’t want to be another one of those yo ho ho’s …”

Image result for bachelor demi gif

I don’t think I’ll ever love Demi in the way that I loved Jordan (despite his ridiculous ways). I also don’t think I will ever root for Colton to propose to her, especially when she’s up against girls I like, buuuuut she’s so funny and entertaining, she can stay for a while longer.

I don’t know who all annoys me. Maybe Tracy? Is that her name? The one who Demi keeps antagonizing, and who claims to be a stylist, even though she can’t even dress herself.  I struggle with liking Onyeka too. Obviously I’m down for a big personality, and while I loved the “drowning in bitches” comment, she’s just too too much and annoying AF.

This Season

I usually like the craziness and cat fights in the early episodes, but for some reason, this time around, I’m ready to get down to like, the final five. I’m curious to see what Colton’s really looking for and how the finalists will interact with one another when it’s the end of the line (and what their families are like too!). Guess we’ll find out soon enough!

Image result for bachelor toast hannah brown

 

Colton is the Worst

I just have to put it all out there … can ABC PLEASE stop casting thirsty men as the Bachelor? For the past two seasons (and Colton will be #3) this has been the case. Don’t worry, I’m here to lay out all the facts. I know this won’t change the already horrible decision that’s been made; at least I’ll feel better though and getting all my feelings out may lessen my chance of not watching.

Nick Viall

Even his name describes the kind of person he is. He was cast two seasons ago as the Bachelor, and it was my first time watching the show (I’m a Bach baby). If you didn’t watch his season and don’t already think he’s the worst, take into account he was on the Bachelorette twice, Paradise once, and then was cast as the Bachelor … and still didn’t find love. Nick was terrible during his time as the Bachelor, and least we not forget this horrible moment …

He went on to do Dancing with the Stars and be an all around douche … oh yeah, and the girl he proposed to on his season? They didn’t even make it a year.

Arie Luyendyk

Arie was cast on the eighth season of the Bachelorette, only to then be cast as the Bachelor last year. I didn’t watch his first run on the show and barely made it through his boring Bachelor run. However, it was his break-up with Becca … ON TV … that makes him the worst.

Cool man, go be happy with Lauren … but you knew what you were doing to this girl and to have it shown on TV was so lame.

Nick was thirsty after he made an appearance four times on the show, plus went on DWTS. Arie was thirsty after he knew he chose the wrong girl and decided to air the breakup on the show. No one could be worse than those two right?

Image result for colton underwood gif

Wrong. Enter Colton, your new Bachelor. Let’s start at the beginning and run the timeline, shall we?

Exhibit A —

It’s 2016 and Colton thinks to himself, “How can I make myself a more famous NFL player?” I don’t know, how about date a gold medal Olympian? That’s what Colton did when he asked out Aly Raisman via social media. Don’t believe me? Click here for the story. Apparently their break-up was mutual, due to long distance. #whatever … she deserves better anyway.

Exhibit B —

Next, he hooks up with Tia from Arie’s season, while he’s being cast for The Bachelorette. Oh, how did the two of them start talking? Wouldn’t you know … social media! Sound familiar? Click here for that story. Come to find out though, Tia doesn’t become the Bachelorette, her friend Becca does. But that’s okay because Colton finds her attractive too (I think he has a thing for brunettes) and he goes on the show to date her.

Exhibit C —

Not only does the thirst monster get cast, he makes top 4. His virginity becomes a topic of interest, as does his relationship with Tia. Anything to keep a story line going and stay relevant, am I right? Alas though, it doesn’t work out between Colton and Becca; I’m sure with his new found fame, he’ll return home to run his charity. Wrong.

Exhibit D —

Colton goes to Paradise to reopen the can of worms that is him and Tia. Oh, and not only that … ABC has to bring Becca to Paradise to add more fuel to this lame fire. No Bachelor or Bachelorette has even attended Paradise right after his or her season ended; Becca is the first, and she’s only brought on to cause more drama with/for Colton. Becca apparently gives Colton the “closure” he needs, he makes Tia his girlfriend, only to dump her a few days later.

Screenshot 2018-09-03 at 7.36.51 PM

And now the guy is cast as the next Bachelor. Ughhhh I really don’t know if I can stomach watching him talk with his lisp, or cry, or discuss his virginity /Tia any more. Think they’ll cast Tia as one of the girls? I’d maybe watch then. All in all I could not be more annoyed with this decision. Justice for Blake and here’s to seeing if I actually watch.

Image result for tia booth gif

Paradise Thoughts …

Image result for bachelor in paradise crab

Sooo I decided to watch Paradise tonight instead of the VMA’s; now that I’m in my thirties, I think I’m too old for them. Don’t believe me? Well then you can read my post from last year’s show right here: Video Music Awards: A Drinking Game.

Image result for vma gif

Honestly though, I’m not sure Paradise is much better. This is our third full night of these idiots, who are not on Paradise for love, but rather my entertainment. Ah well, it’s been a long day, so entertain me.

Image result for bachelor in paradise gif

  • Chris hasn’t changed one morsel since Becca’s season
  • “It’s time for someone to be a man; it’s time for someone to be a women; and it’s time for people to start defining what they want” –Jordan about Tia/Colton …. ya’ll, I’m telling you he’s a secret genius!
  • This show would be so much better if they would allow the cast more than two drinks an hour; you know Tia would have been schwasted this season!

Image result for tia booth drunk

  • COLTON TURNING DOWN A DATE = LESS TV TIME FOR HIM?! Didn’t see that one coming!
  • Ughhhhh … get Colton & Tia off my screen … it’s the same thing over & over & over!
  • I’m so bored; seriously Tia, just grab Colton, lock yourselves in a room, and take his V card already; that would entertain me!
  • SWITCHING GEARS … I love Kenny!

Image result for kenny bachelorette gif

  • Oh, Annaliese, stop talking.
  • Chris and Krystal … ?? Villain loving villain ???
  • UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Tia and Colton again!!

Image result for roll eyes lauren conrad

  • Why is ABC making it seem like Cinderella and Prince Charming are finally getting together? Like they did a freaking montage right now of the two of them … ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Image result for roll eyes lauren conrad

  • For all that is good with this show, someone give Bibi a rose tonight!
  • JORDAN FOR PRESIDENT!!!!!!!
  • Here for Joe & Kendall, Kevin & Astrid, and Eric & Angela
  • The Jordan/David feud is dumb; I’m over it and I maaaay be over Paradise, help me not be … ??? Guys, I’m shutting it off for the night!

Image result for slipping away gif

Let me know what I missed & if I should watch tomorrow! Image result for lips

Tia vs. Colton: A Bachelorette Pocket-Sized Post

Screenshot 2018-06-11 at 8.12.07 PM

Thank you Tanner for saying what I’m thinking and what I wish more people would think! I have a bit of time to type this up since The Bachelorette got interrupted due to politics. I want to discuss what I was most looking forward to on tonight’s episode: the Colton and Tia reunion.

Screenshot 2018-06-11 at 8.14.54 PM

If you don’t know the backstory, Colton hung out with Tia for a weekend before the Bachelorette was announced (back in Jan I believe?). My thought, like so many others’ including Tia, was that Colton thought Tia would be the next Bachelorette, so he figured, hook up with her to gain an advantage. I guess in Colton’s defense, he didn’t know for sure he would be going on the show. Regardless of what his true intentions were or are, I think the whole Colton/Tia/Becca triangle is shady (on his part).

Back to the episode, so Becca brings Colton on the group date with all the girls from Arie’s season, including Tia. If you have ever been in an awkward situation, you know exactly what the looks on their faces mean, especially Colton. It’s the look of a fight or flight situation, where the only option is flight.  I even felt awkward for them, and their reunion was the only thing I was anticipating this week.

Tia said all they did was kiss and it seemed like Becca didn’t care much because Colton got the group date rose. I just can’t even. Becca, you basically got your girlfriend’s sloppy seconds; am I the only one who thinks this? Becca (like the rest of America, including my mother) is blinded by Colton’s beautiful face, but I see the real him.

Image result for i dont trust him gif

Other Thoughts on Tonight’s Episode …

  • I can NOT with Chris; I really want to like him, and I did think their date was romantic, but when I look at him all I picture is Perez Hilton. Google it.
  • really don’t want to laugh at David because so. much. blood. buuuut he fell out of his bed?! (insert giggle gif)
  • Devastated to see Clay go, however, I’m glad he made the smart decision. He’ll find someone on Paradise I’m sure!
  • NO. FREAKING. ROSE. CEREMONY. Grrrrr

Also, never forget …

Screenshot 2018-06-11 at 8.57.17 PM