“We’re All Going to Die, But At Least We Die Together” GOT Recap 8×2

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I thought that last week’s premier would be one of my favorites this season, but this week’s is looking to be my favorite Game of Thrones episode of all time! I mean, Brienne being knighted by Sir Jamie? Arya and Gendry? Before we get to that, here were the main plot points:

  • The opening scene had Jamie coming before those in charge at Winterfell, with a promise to fight the dead, while Daenerys narrated the terrible things he’d done against her family. Tyrion attempted to vouch for him, but ultimately, Brienne of Tarth convinced them all to allow Jamie to stay.*
  • Arya and Gendry flirted.
  • Jamie apologized to Bran; Bran reminded us he’s still an angsty teen.*
  • Tyrion and Jamie reunited.*
  • Brienne and Jamie reunited.*
  • Daenerys and Sansa attempted to have a sisterly moment, until Sansa reminded her, “What about the North?” 
  • Theon returned.
  • Tormand and the others returned.
  • All the main players started to strategize battle plans; Bran said the Night King would come for him mostly and wants to be used as bait.
  • Tyrion and Bran seemed to have a bonding moment.
  • Jamie and Tyrion discussed the last time they were at Winterfell (Episode 1×1) and that now they will most likely die there; many others came to join their discussion circle.
  • Tormand told his “giant’s milk story.”
  • Arya reunited with the Hound.
  • ARYA AND GENDRY had s-e-x!!!!!*
  • Tyrion recounted the most famous battles everyone lived through; Sir Jamie knighted Brienne; Podrick sang.*
  • Jon told Dany the truth about his past.
  • and all of this was without a single Cersei scene!!

The return of Jamie Lannister

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I freaking love Jamie Lannister and I love him most this season because he left Cersei behind and stared dreamily at Brienne, which gives me hope for them to be together in the end (even though I believe his dreamy looks are more so out of admiration love than lusty love).  Let’s dive a little deeper into all the Jamieness this episode.

First Dany needs to cut him a break. Sure, he murdered her father, but it’s only because the Mad King was going to burn King’s Landing to the ground. Jamie even admits he was defending his home and his family, so why stay so angry with him?

I loved seeing him and Tyrion back together (even though I don’t reeeeeally think Tyrion is his brother, but I’ll save that theory for later). I loved his interaction with Bran, especially the fact that Jamie apologized, admitted he’s changed, and appeared to have an actual discussion with Bran. Most people these days who talk to Bran just get his moody vagueness. 

Lastly, how sweet was it that Jamie not only knighted Brienne, but also said he wanted to serve under her command during the battle against the White Walkers?? Her tears were all of our tears and Tormand’s smile was all of our smiles as we watched this lovely moment when Jamie showed Brienne of Tarth the respect she utmost deserves.

Arya and Gendry

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On the one hand, I totally want to be like, “Get it Arya girl!” I mean, we’ve watched her and Gendry awkwardly flirt for two episodes now, plus felt some sort of connection between the two back in Season 1 when they first met (even if it was only a friendship connection then). Also, Gendry is looking damn fine these days (what am I saying; he’s always been pretty fine).

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On the other hand (which much of Twitter agreed), to us Arya will always be like what, twelve? I can totally see how this intimate scene was more awkwardsville for fans than most GOT sex scenes. In fact, it might have been the most cringe worthy of them all (even if we did want it to happen). 

Overall thoughts on the episode
too many reunions?

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Game of Thrones can never seem to win with their fans, right? Last season, people were upset because the action was moving too fast (like Gendry really made it back to Daenerys in time, only for her to arrive with the dragons in time, before everyone all froze to death?? Suuure …) and yet now fans are complaining that the first two episodes of Season 8 have had zero action.

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I, however, am in the minority on this. If you read my post last week over GOT, you would know I prefer a little more conversation, a little less action. In fact, I am living for all these reunions that remind us fans everything we’ve endured and everything these characters have endured the past eight seasons. Like, what is wrong with reminiscing a bit? Also, don’t tell me this episode was some sort of closure or goodbye to everyone because they’re all going to die in the battle against the dead. How could that happen when we still have three more episodes after the fight to end all fights? Logistically, everyone can’t die if there are still three more episodes to go, but also the fight can’t last for 320 minutes. Guess we’ll just have to wait and see … for which I couldn’t be more excited! (And scared.)

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“You’re the True King” GOT 8×1

Game of Thrones is baaaaaaaack and I couldn’t be happier, or more basic about it! Seriously I saw so many tweets over the weekend about how obsessed we all are with this show …

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… yet, it’s fun to be part of the cult following. It’s fun to discuss with others, and it’s fun to blog about, so here we are! My recaps of season 7 were mostly my list of emotions felt during each episode (as told through emojis). This season I think I’m going to simply list off the major plot points, then pick a few to discuss in depth! So let’s get started!

Major plot points of the premier:

  • Jon Snow, Daenerys Targaryen, the Dothraki &  the Unsullied arrived in Winterfell, to a much unwelcoming Northern people.

(But Dany looked bomb in that white & maroon coat, though!)
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  • Theon saved his sister.
  • Sansa gave Daenerys stink face.
  • Cersei consummated her relationship with the grossest of gross Greyjoy, after he arrived with the Iron Bank’s army.
  • Jon Snow rode a dragon.*
  • Jon and Dany kissed.
  • Jon and Arya reunited.
  • Bronn was summoned by Cersei to kill her two brothers.
  • Sam found out Dany killed his father and brother.

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    The face you make when you find out your best friend’s girl had her dragons roast your father & brother.

  • Sam told Jon the truth about his biological parents.*
  • The Night King left some weird, bloody, foot, spiral “message” that I don’t understand, but you can read more about here.
    • Sidebar: Does the Night King have a brain? He has to right? I mean he obviously has rational thought to have the idea to spear a dragon, thus giving him an ice dragon; now this message? Do just the White Walkers have thought, and the wights don’t?
  • Jamie arrived in Winterfell & realized Bran is alive … or did he already know he was alive, they were just having a massive stare down (which Bran did with everyone in this episode for some reason??) …. ??

Further discussions:

Jon Snow riding a dragon.

We all knew it was coming; we saw the dragons warming up to Jon after we learned he’s half Targaryen. The fact that he only rode the dragon to go off and have a secret rom com moment with Daenerys makes it better (or possibly worse). Was it all a bit cheesy? Totes. Was it what we were all waiting for? Hells ya.

Jon Snow finding out the truth about his biological parents.

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I was really shocked that Jon found out so soon (episode 1) that Dany is his aunt, I mean, that he’s the true heir to the Iron Throne. I thought for a moment he was going to hurt sweet Samwell based off his reaction. Think he was more upset that he has to end his relationship, or that he’s the true king … probably that he’s the true king, but who knows for sure; Jon Snow can be so sulky sometimes. However, rather than waiting this season to see when it would be revealed, I’m glad we can all look forward to how it will play out.

and one last thing …

Finally, can we talk for a moment about how horrible the Northerners were treating Dany’s army, and Dany herself?

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I get it, I get it, you named someone King and he basically said, “Screw you” by bending the knee to an outsider … a female outsider from the deep south. But why can’t they just realize she’s basically there to save their butts from the ice army of the dead? Be grateful!!!

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What are your overall thoughts and feelings that Thrones is back, if yet soon ending? Find me on social media and let’s discuss! Until next week … !!

Game of Thrones is Back!! … almost

“Bend the knee!”

Before we begin, need a season 7 recap? Click below!

Do you even GOT? 7×1 Recap

“Peace Never Lasts My Dear” GOT Recap 7×2

“I’ve Brought Fire & Ice Together” GOT 7×3 Recap

“Our Stories Aren’t Over Yet” GOT Recap 7×4

I’ve got some GOT feels! Game of Thrones Recap: 7×5

“There is No Conversation That Will Erase the Last 50 Years” 7×7 GOT Recap

Need more? Watch below (this is not produced by moi, but I heard it’s a great great video!)

WHEW!!!

After all that, please stick with me and continue reading to learn my thoughts, predictions, and most of all what I’m excited for every Sunday in the next six weeks! It all starts with this photo tweeted out by HBO …

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It appears as if all our favorites all dead or frozen or whatever … not living it seems. (Get your zoom on and look towards the very top). I’m completely fine with all the characters dying, in fact, I would love for the end credits to be the theme music playing, gradually getting louder, as the Night King walks up onto the steps and takes a final seat on the Iron Throne. To me, this would be a message about how humanity sucks, we all die in the end, and perhaps humans are brainless zombies; you know, that kind of vibe.

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However, I’m sure there are Throne enthusiasts that have more knowledge than me and would argue that Martin or HBO would never end the show with a message like that. Cool man, I’m still going to think what I want.

The second reason I think everyone is going to die via White Walkers is because I can’t decide who would be the “right” characters to kill off and who should remain alive. Obviously we’d all like to see the Starks, plus Jon Snow, Daenerys, and maybe even Tyrion survive it all, with a few other minor characters alive too. Okay okay … what we really all just want is Cersei dead, along with anyone who has allegiance to her, right? It’d be even better if Jamie were the one to slit her throat!

To me, if only certain characters make it out in the end, it would be the same as putting all their names in a hat and choosing four or five to keep alive; what’s the reasoning for who lives and who dies? Wait. Did I just cracked the game of thrones … ???

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BUT … what is so crazy about that picture (the HBO one from above) … scroll up and look to Daenerys’s right, go ahead I’ll wait …. did you see it?? THE NIGHT KING!

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If all the humans die, that must mean he lives right? If the humans and the frozen zombies die … then what? Dang, I haven’t even considered that possibility. My husband said he just hopes we’re not left in the end more confused or unsatisfied … even if everyone dies, or only our favorites die, regardless of who dies, please just leave us, the fans, satisfied as we say goodbye.

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Weekly Bravo Recap

First Up: The Real Housewives of Atlanta

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Kenya comes back for one episode and stirs up a ton of drama?? Bring her back full time!! But before we get into the Kenya of it all, Porsha’s gender reveal party took place.  Between her awful hair and the fact that the set up was a disaster, it’s no wonder Porsha broke down. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a housewife event as busted as that one. And the poppers didn’t even work either; hers was blue, while everyone else’s was pink! HAHAHA! Sheesh … oh well, it looked like the party ended up being really fun. Congrats to Porsha and Dennis on their baby girl!

But now let’s get to the meat and potatoes of this finale: the return of  Kenya Moore.

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First, I love love love Cynthia, but the demographic of people drinking Seagrams (college girls) are probs not watching Bravo. I know this because I interviewed one a while ago: Interview with a Gen Z. Seagrams is also just gross, and as the women brought up, contains like no alcohol. However, if Cynthia partnering with Seagrams brings back Kenya and causes drama, I’m here for it.

I kind of see how Cynthia wouldn’t tell Nene that Kenya was attending her event because we all know how Nene would react. In fact, Nene probably would have stayed home. While it was strange for Kenya to get up front and center on the mic to make a toast, it seemed like everyone (*ahem* Porsha) but Nene was fine with her there.

It looks likes Nene’s issue with Kenya’s attendance wasn’t ending, it was exploding, seeing as the finale was extended 15 extra minutes, so Nene and Cynthia could have it out. Hearing the audio that Cynthia and Kandi were “on the same page” about not knowing Kenya was coming means they knew she was coming, or was it that they needed to be on the “same page” about the possibility of her coming? Regardless, go look at Nene’s social media; she had some words to say about her and Cynthia’s friendship. Here’s to looking so forward to next Sunday; be sure to stay turned for my recap of the Atlanta reunion once it’s aired entirely!

Next: Vanderpump Rules

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“Puke and rally, puke puke and rally!” Gah, is there anything better than a Vanderpump vacation to Mexico? Being pregnant and 30, I’ve forgotten what a s***show one can become when drunk … let’s examine, shall we?

Type A: Stassi — the drunk in which the world revolves around you, no one can tell you no, and where maybe you don’t want to get up and dance because you’re wearing a freaking maxi dress with Spanx (or you’re just too drunk).

Type B: Ariana — the type of drunk where you are making absolutely no sense to anyone around you, yet, in your brain you’re freaking Albert Einstein.

Type C: Beau — aka the crier. That scene with Stassi and him discussing their “issues” and how their pasts (well mainly Stassi’s past) affects their relationship …. at one point, my husband turned it me and said, “Oh my goshhhh their so drunk.”

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Most notable moments from the episode included: the fomo infomercial, Jax giving Stassi actual, solid advice, and everyone just getting along. If I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again … I could watch an entire season, sans drama, of just the group getting along. I love their crazy ass friendships, and I am waiting for the adoption papers to be signed so I can join!

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

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Am I the only one a little underwhelmed by the LVP/Kyle fight? Except for Kyle being honest/standing up to Lisa for once, and Lisa raising her voice more than normal, nothing really shocked me. That came at the end though, back to the beginning of the episode.

We’re on episode EIGHT of this season and yet we’re still discussing this Vanderpump dog issue: the opening scene was at the shelter, Teddi’s charity cycle event was to raise money for the shelter, we needed to know who leaked the story about Dorit’s dog from the shelter, let’s watch CNN at the shelter!

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However, “real friends show up” and that means go to lunch together after a cycle class. Who would have ever guessed that Denise would be the voice of reason in this whole saga, first questioning why LVP couldn’t make both events that day, then being the first person to ask Kyle if she’s ever known Lisa to leak a story to the press, and finally giving Dorit a press peptalk … a “presstalk!” At the same time, I enjoyed seeing the women band together against LVP (although I was totes shocked when Rinna called her “Lisa Vandertrump” later on in the episode, for realsies #notcool).

I felt like the entire episode went by so fast, and before I knew it I had ten minutes left to watch Kyle and Lisa argue. My only real thought watching was why would Lisa and Ken get beyond defensive if they did nothing wrong? I can see how Lisa would be hurt because the one person who always defends her is now questioning her, but after Adrienne and the surrogate, Camille and Taylor’s husband, Brandi and the suitcase magazines, Yolanda and the Munchhausen,  to this … what is Kyle supposed to think? When does Kyle actually get to probe Lisa? The time is now my friends, and I can’t wait to watch it all unfold in the next coming weeks!

Lastly: The Real Housewives of New York

… which, I decided to just watch as a fan this week, instead of blog. I promise to write a RHONY post soon, perhaps the Berkshires next week? For now, I am #TeamBrunette & #TeamSonjaMorgan so far this season!

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Keep following for more Bravo related content, celeb content, reality TV content, and more!!

The Bachelor Finale & Thoughts on Hannah B.

How did we go from this …

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to this?Image result for bachelor finale  Image result for bachelor finale

Honestly, I don’t really care how it all went down; I’m just glad it’s over. I’m thrilled we don’t have to see Colton whine or discuss his virginity anymore; like, I’m so done with his season … and to me (unpopular opinion coming), it could not have ended worse.

First, let me say I didn’t even watch part one of the two part finale; we were in Dallas, TX for a Spring Break/”Babymoon” living the good life, searching for Dallas Housewives and attending Maverick basketball games. However, the hubs did get us home in time on Tuesday for the final final episode.

I didn’t go back and watch Monday’s show because I already knew what I missed. Bye Tayshia. Bye Hannah G. Go find Cassie.

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Although I am a little sad I missed Chris Harrison telling Colton “maybe she’s just not that into you.”

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However, Colton is not JGL, nooo, there is something he can do about it! He can go after his girl and basically stalk her until she commits to at least some sort of something with him. Thus leading to a very boring Tuesday night episode, where we already knew who the winner was going to be. We were just watching Colton and Cassie, what, date like regular people?

I guess there was the shock on Cassie’s face that he sent the other girls home, more begging from Colton, Cassie meeting his parents (who did not seem impressed) and their fantasy suite date (“Did they or didn’t they? Did they or didn’t they? Did they or didn’t they?”).

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It really seemed like she still may not fully go through with this, them being a couple and all. Was she only on the show originally to gain some IG fame, but got blindsided when Colton actually liked, excused me, loved her? Girl, what show did you think you were on? Her back and forth, wishy-washy attitude, combined with his pussy-ass begging, “don’t ever leave me” self was too much for me to handle, thus my pleasure that it’s finally over.

But look, I can’t always be so cynical; maybe it was the Air Supply song that really got to me, but in the end (thank goodness it’s the end) I’m happy for a happy couple. While they seem beyond annoying, and all of Colton’s current posts about her feel as if he’s never been in a true relationship …

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I applaud them for doing what we all want Bachelor couples to do … actually be in a real relationship, like us normal folk do when you’ve only know someone a few months. The pressure of an engagement on this show (and heaven forbid a wedding!) is too much, so props to them for sticking to what average humans do. And I wish them well, despite what you’ve read here or despite what I may say in the future, I really do hope it all works out!

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The Most Awkward Bachelorette in History??

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Okay look, I know everyone is like “Give her some PR and speech classes!” and “If she’s a pageant girl, shouldn’t she be able to talk?” But COME ON GUYS, like you could do better? I am here for Hannah Brown and all her awkward, beast mode, mispronounced words beauty.

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I love how authentic and true she is, and I think going through Colton’s season really humbled her, both with the Caelynn drama and getting her heart broken. Plus her guys’ photos (those to be on this season) were released earlier in the week, and while they all look terrible, don’t most Bach pictures look terrible in the beginning? I’m sure we’ll have some fiiiiine men when it all plays out.

I was a huge Hannah B. stan from the beginning, and while I feel justice needs to be served for the other Hannah (who didn’t even get a fantasy suite date!), I’m so so so looking forward to watching the next season of The Bachelorette … which is saying a lot, as this show can get too much for me most times.

Come find me on social media …

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to discuss all things Bachelor Nation!! I love making new friends! Until next time!

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“She Just Set You All Up” #RHOBH Recap

“Grief is a process nobody teaches you …” 

I’m trying really hard to have that be the theme of my post today, but all I can keep thinking is …

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Before we get into the Lucy Lucy Apple Juice (wtf) of it all, let’s start at the beginning of Season 9. It opened with a horrendous fight between Kyle and Lisa (and Ken). Honestly, I hate when Bravo does this because it lasts less than a minute, then switches to what, two months prior and Teddi’s new home? Ugh. Just start from Teddi’s house; why get me all worked up and excited for a blow up in the first place, to then take it away from me before it’s over?

I had originally planned to blog the premier episode, but I thought it was overrated and I walked away annoyed. I was annoyed by the Erika/Dorit friendship, I was annoyed watching Rinna work out with her daughters (and goats), I was annoyed Kyle was starting the same fight with Lisa from last year (“You like Dorit more than me”), and I was annoyed that LVP got any personal airtime because she basically has two shows and that’s beyond frustrating for me.

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Oh, and to top it all off, I am so not here for Denise Richards. Liiiike, what makes you cool enough to be the new housewife, marrying Charlie Sheen? Teddi saying, “#Hashtag Winning” to remind us all of it (as if the ladies don’t discuss it enough) was stupid, and to top it all off Richards can’t even dress correctly to roll with this group. Teddi is the hippie with the laid back style, remember? We don’t need Denise. UGH and if Rinna says one more thing about how she was an actress or how she knew so and so or was friends with so and so …

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Things are looking up though, which just goes to show you should never judge a housewives’ season based off the premier! While episode two was also a bit boring, in real life it brought us a Twitter feud we didn’t know we needed between Rinna, Harry Hamlin, and Nicolette Sheridan.

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Apparently, (which Rinna blabbed on the show) Nicolette Sheridan was married to Harry, went to a Michael Bolton concert one night, and that was the end of their marriage. Sheridan went to Twitter to say that wasn’t true.

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As Lisa was telling the story, the other women were all …

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yet Rinna was all …

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“Cheers to Michael Bolton”

Anything to stay relevant is Rinna’s way. Moving right along … let’s get to the Bahamas!

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To recover from her robbery, (anyone else not know she was robbed?) Dorit planned an early in the season trip for the women. If you follow my posts, you know I love me a good housewives’ trip and this one was no exception. Finally, the ladies came to provide some entertainment and many of my thoughts from the first episode shifted: Dorit isn’t that bad, the show is clearly not overrated, and LVP may still deserve sympathy for her brother’s death, but this season she is messy as hell.

I thought the Dog Gate of Season 9 was over and done with, but is any issue ever really solved with these ladies? It was so obvious LVP was pissed at Dorit because she could not stop making digs at her. I counted five during this episode (Not to mention how utterly ridiculous LVP was to Erika regarding the sympathy note … I can’t and I shan’t! #toaster … but for real, I’m not even getting into that because it was insanely dumb).

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I find it so so so SO hard to believe that Rinna didn’t know about the dog drama, but once she did know, man did she tell all she knew: “Guess who came to the table to play?”

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Once that dinner started, it couldn’t be stopped. I loved how Denise had no idea what was going on and Camille did her best to explain. I could go into it all, but I think the ladies said it best:

I had nothing to do with any of it.”

                              “It wouldn’t be out there if you didn’t want it out there.”

“She’s acting like she’s so confused why Dorit’s upset.”

                              “I would love to say I’m shocked, but I’m not.”

“I love Lisa, but that doesn’t mean I’m blind.”

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Again, I want to have sympathy for LVP because she’s going through an extremely hard time and as Rinana did say, we don’t really learn a proper way to grieve. But, at the end of the day … this was a set up. Guess we’ll find out more next week!

 

New Jersey Reunion: Round 1

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Jackie, Melissa, Margaret

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Teresa, Dolores, Jennifer

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Who will come out on top?

Teresa

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I was suuuuuper shocked that the first question right out of the gate was to Tre about Joe being deported. However, in classic Andy fashion, he told us we’d get into it all later, aka part three of the reunion.

What we didn’t have to wait for was Teresa going after Jackie. Teresa definitely made her point that Jackie wasn’t allowed to come for her because if you’re not with Teresa, (or “on the Teresa show”) then you’re against her. Tre drove this home be saying something about looking around the room, noticing that anyone who ever attacked Teresa was gone and off the show.

Margaret

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looked amazing, absolutely amazing! Her face, shoes, dress, earrings, EVERYTHING was “on point.”  Plus when going up against Jennifer (again), Margaret handed herself well. Girl earned her seat next to Andy.

Melissa

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can never do anything right, yet I agree with Jackie that Melissa has become the number one girl in this group (referring to when Jackie called her the Carrie). I think some of the other women can’t handle this … or maybe just one woman. I couldn’t believe Teresa said Melissa needed to be on the other couch, in referencing alliances. No longer am I confused about why Melissa is in so much trouble with Teresa at the reunion. Melissa didn’t agree with Tre on certain issues this season and in the end, it’s looking as if Melissa sided with those “against Teresa.”

Also, did Melissa call Teresa irrational??

Jennifer

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After hating Jennifer in the beginning of the season, to growing to like her by the finale, she was able to make me go back to hating her in just the first ten minutes of the reunion. She sounded so dumb talking about Oklahoma. Just because you’re a city person doesn’t mean you can hate hate hate on how or where others live. We already went through this already with Vicki Gunvalson.

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Speaking of hate, or maybe more of a dislike, I was shocked that Margaret v. Jennifer would be brought up so soon.  After reaching what I thought was a reasonable bit of closure to their disagreements during the season, at the reunion Jennifer went and called Marge Senior a “homewrecker.” Damn girl, say whatever you want about Margaret, but it’s an extremely low blow when you go insulting someone’s mother. Perhaps it even shows the kind of person you are …

Jackie

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“Took on Teresa and lived to tell about it.”

I will admit that after the picture of Jackie at Teresa’s book signing came out, it was hard for me to look at her the same way I had since the start of the season. I really liked Jackie from day one, but that picture made my thoughts shift to her having a possible agenda being on the show, a “I want to be famous” agenda. But stalker (??) I’m not so sure. Then again, maybe Jackie wants to be forever known as the one who took Teresa down … ???

Dolores

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I COMPLETELY forgot that Andy was the one to spill the beans to Dolores about Frank being disbarred. However, I ship Frelores hardcore. Based off what she said on the reunion though, she seems pretty serious about her boyfriend, David. Buuuut, I predict that on the next season Frank will be around just as often as he’s always been. 

Still to come

I’ll be back to recap once parts two & three have aired. I’m looking forward to hearing Joe’s thoughts on the Melissa/Teresa feud, plus the Danielle of it all! Until next time, don’t lose your mind, don’t flip any tables, and keep your lip liner tight like a baboon!

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“No Children, No Parents, No Husbands” — We Gotta Talk About Jersey!

Tequila, monkeys’ assholes, & broken glasses

Jersey is BACK! After many seasons of snoozeville, The Real Housewives of New Jersey has returned with the heat … and I’m not just talking about the weather in Mexico.

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Let’s begin with that first dinner in Cabo… 

I think it all starts with Jennifer drinking. Listen, do I blame her for getting white girl wasted in Mexico? Hell to the no … we’ve all been there. I gave myself a black eye once in Mexico when I slipped and my face broke my fall. However, Jennifer calling Teresa’s gift ugly (drunk or not) was inappropriate and rude.

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I also find it interesting that Margaret can say whatever she wants in response, fully sober, and yet for me, she’s never wrong. The obvious housewife response to Jennifer’s necklace attack is a returned below the belt comment. The Marg did what the show asks of her with the whole lip liner looks like a monkey’s asshole comment.

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And while I may be Team Margaret (& probably always will be), Jennifer’s response of “Yeah, a monkey’s asshole, that you f***ing sucked, probably!” will forever go down in housewives history along with

  • “Get off my jock”
  • “Who gon’ check me boo?”
  • “Jesus jugs”

and “Prostitution whore!” You can watch the women’s reaction to the whole argument here.

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Honestly, thank you ladies. It was amazing television.

But wait, we aren’t done …

The sun did come out eventually and tempers cooled off, yet, round two was coming. While the ladies did enjoy some pool and shopping time (who takes their Chanel bag out on the streets of Mexico?), at the second dinner (was it really only the second dinner?), Marg and Jennifer were back out at it again. I don’t even remember how it all got brought up, but in true housewife fashion, past comments never really die. The conversation turned to the remarks Jennifer had made about Margaret’s mother cheating with a married man, as Margaret did herself. The Marg fired back with comments about Jennifer’s husband sleeping in the pool house and having a girlfriend.

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Relive that here.

Anyone who thought Margaret was a terrible human for the comments she made at this dinner is so wrong because The Marg immediately apologized when Jennifer returned to the table (what, less than 10 minutes after making the mean comments), and told Jennifer she said them just to hurt her and there was no truth in the comments. This is honestly huge because apologies in the housewives’ world can take weeks, months, and even years to produce. Margaret admitted right away she was wrong.

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While it seemed the dust was finally settling in Cabo, a hurricane called Danielle Staub was brewing, and broken glass, threats, & fueled tempers would be left in her wake.

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If you haven’t caught on yet this season, please realize in New Jersey, you do not mention children, parents, or husbands in an argument. Danielle is so slimy, of course she brings up Margaret’s children (& even her grandchildren) in an argument that I’m not even sure where it started in the first place. (Can’t these ladies have one nice dinner on vacation?). Margaret being the queen of the trip she is, took Delores’s wine (because why waste her own drink) and threw it at Danielle. My favorite part of this whole scene was by the time everyone stood up and Danielle was ready to retaliate, Margaret was already walking up the stair, sashaying in that green dress of hers.

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“Had Danielle talked about my children, she’d have no teeth left.”

“Teresa, this one [points to Danielle] has you going in f***ing circles.”

The drama didn’t stop there because Melissa then got upset that someone broke or threw a glass at her (while she was pointing fingers at Danielle and Jennifer). This led to crazy-eyed Jennifer to break another glass, hold a shard of it at Melissa, and say something along the lines of “if I threw a glass at you, you’d know”

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Yeah … that man in the scene? That’s security.

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Who’s exhausted at this point and just wants to fly home to Jersey? On this week’s episode the girls did just that, and even appeared to eventually all make up: Teresa and Melissa, Teresa and Margaret, Jennifer and Dolores, Jennifer and Melissa. But where was Danielle?

The Danielle of It All …

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This shady bitch (in my opinion) is the sole cause of many arguments this season. You can “boo hoo” all you want about how horrible she was treated on social media regarding her behavior on the show, but honey, you signed up for all this.

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First, her treatment of Margaret and all the women at her wedding was absolutely atrocious. While she did apologize for it on WWHL with Andy, still not okay. After her wedding, she was still twisting words to show Margaret in a terrible light with the other ladies. And finally, at the explosive, glass shattering dinner in Mexico, Danielle was the one to bring up the Marg/Jennifer fight (which had already been squashed), and then wouldn’t let the conflict go by taking it to another level discussing Margaret’s kids.

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I have nothing even left to say about Snobielle Stupid Staub; we’ll let her run her mouth at the reunion. Speaking of the reunion, it sounds like it’s set to be explosive, AND it’s sooner than you think because next week is the RHONJ season finale.

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Overall, this season has redeemed New Jersey as queens in the housewives’ universe and I can not freaking wait for the next coming weeks as we wrap up it all up!

 

Atlanta Takes Tokyo

and Marlo loses her bag …

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If my favorite thing about watching Housewives is the reunions, then my second favorite has to be cast trips. The ladies of Atlanta are currently (well currently on the show) visiting Tokyo, Japan.

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The looks have been on point, the antics have made me laugh, and the drama has been reeeeal!

“She gonna murder one of us tonight; I can feel it”

Eva vs. Everything

Sweet, hippie Eva can’t seem to catch a break this trip. First, she gets into it with Porsha regarding the shady comments Eva’s been making all season. What I took from Porsha was that Eva needs to just own when she’s been shady, because as Nene was saying, if you’re going to throw shade in this group of women, “someone will call you out” on it.

However, Eva owned it all when she went up against Marlo, which honestly has been a long time coming this season between these two

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I was proud of Eva for standing her ground against Marlo, plus Eva needed a win after receiving the horrible news regarding her grandfather. We need to keep Eva in all our prayers because re-watching and reliving it back now for her probably really sucks.

Nene

I think this trip is showing Nene in one of her most honest lights. By that I mean, Greg’s health is breaking her down, and the Tokyo trip is her breaking point. First, there was her argument with Tanya, where I kind of saw both sides. I thought Nene’s comment about “marrying someone else” at the temple could’ve been taken as rude. I also think the reason Nene stormed out of the sushi restaurant was because she couldn’t really defend her comment; it was ill-mannered. At the same time Tanya girl, get thicker skin. But, maybe Nene left because she was tired and just over it all. She made a comment and didn’t mean anything serious by it, or that’s how she defended it. For once, with this “feud” I saw all sides, mostly because a) I’m (overly) sensitive like Tanya, but b) I know Nene can say whatever she wants to people regardless of consequences. If this disagreement tells us anything, it’s that Tanya may not be cut out to be a housewife and Nene (as mentioned) is breaking, if not already broken.

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Speaking of Nene, she got left! Porsha’s comment about her murdering someone could not have been more real; I was terrified for that sweet tour guide, who not only had to endure the back and forth between Eva and Marlo, but basically had to babysit these women the entire trip, telling them to be quiet and to be on time. WHICH, I just can not get over that the ladies had the audacity to be 30-45 minutes late the first day, after specifically being told the night before to be on time. In the end, sweet tour guide didn’t come to play when she finally left Nene.

Final Thoughts & Next Week

Closing, I loved how Porsha announced her pregnancy and I’m excited to see her journey the rest of the season. I totally related to Kandi regarding food on the trip; I’ve traveled to China before and like Kandi, I do not have an exotic pallet. Lastly, how great was the Xscape karaoke moment between all the women? I loved that they were bonding, getting along, and singing Kandi’s song!  

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Next week Tokyo continues for the ladies and looks to include strippers, samurai, probably more sushi, a breakdown from Nene, and a spilled secret from Kandi about Dennis.

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One Thing Before We Go …

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THIS. WAS. THE. MOST. EPIC. EVENT. I. NEVER. THOUGHT. COULD. HAPPEN. AND. DIDN’T. KNOW. I. NEEDED. TO. HAPPEN!!!

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From Rinna screaming at all of them to dance, to Kyle’s dirty suit at the end of the night, to the overall amazing and beautiful guestlist. It was just a magical adult version of a fairy tale and solidified, SOLIDIFIED my Housewife love!

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Battle of the Beauty Queens — Bachelor Recap

“I feel like I’m in a Bachelor tornado …” 

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What I mean by that is … the show has been coming at me fast and I haven’t had time to really process it. I don’t know any of the girls’ names, I barely watch the show live or live tweet, and I have yet to decide how I feel about Colton. It’s moving too quickly to absorb … and plus, I find myself just not caring. I’d rather watch reruns of Vanderpump than a new episode of Bach.

BUT!!

I’m committed to you all and I know you’re waiting to hear my thoughts on Colton’s season!

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Colton as the Bachelor

I struggle with Colton because of his past with the show. It seems too convenient that he would go from meeting/hooking up with Tia, to being on Becca’s season, to Paradise back with Tia, to finally dump her in the end and become the next Bachelor (see: Colton is the Worst).

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I’m going to try really hard to not let those feelings bleed into his season, so I paid extra attention to Colton on this week’s episode to see if my feelings about him changed. Here is what I came up with:

  • He is insanely easy to read. You can tell which girls he really likes versus the girls the producers are telling him to  keep around.
  • He also just tells the girls, “I like you” so maybe that’s why he’s easy to read??
  • He’s emotional; I can’t tell if it’s the good amount in a partner or the whiny amount that would annoy me.
  • Yes, Colton works with kids and is a human teddy bear around them, but my cynical side thinks it’s another way for him to promote himself … I know I know, that makes me sound like a terrible person, but in the safe space of my computer I’m not afraid to admit it.
  •  I think Colton needs an older woman, not just because I love Elyse so much (see below) … but I like what she brings out in Colton. I like him with her … and that’s my first time (ever) saying I like him.

The Girls

My initial favorite was Miss Alabama Hannah, until that treacherous one-on-one from last week where girlfriend couldn’t even muster up a toast. Aren’t you a pageant girl? Can’t you make up some BS on a dime? Then this week she discussed Caelynn with Colton, and you just don’t talk about other girls with the main dude. Ever. While so much of this show is edit by edit, pieced together to create either a story line or drama, I truly don’t think Hannah has been edited that often; I think she’s really as insecure, not poised, and crazy as she appears. Guess I now have to pick a new favorite. Sighhh.

As far as any in the running for my new fav, I like the other Hannah, who also happens to be from Alabama? She got the first impression rose, and while I would like to say comes across genuine, I’ve clearly been burned by one Alabamahannah this season and we’re only three episodes in. So who knows.

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As mentioned, I la la la love Elyse! I would actually like to see her as the next Bachelorette, with guys in their late 20s – 30s vying for her … less douche canoes. I mean, if she doesn’t end up with Colton, because as said, I kind of like them together. However, nothing I want ever happens on this show, so moving right along.

For all holy entertainment purposes, I hope he KEEPS DEMI FOREVER!! “I don’t want to be another one of those yo ho ho’s …”

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I don’t think I’ll ever love Demi in the way that I loved Jordan (despite his ridiculous ways). I also don’t think I will ever root for Colton to propose to her, especially when she’s up against girls I like, buuuuut she’s so funny and entertaining, she can stay for a while longer.

I don’t know who all annoys me. Maybe Tracy? Is that her name? The one who Demi keeps antagonizing, and who claims to be a stylist, even though she can’t even dress herself.  I struggle with liking Onyeka too. Obviously I’m down for a big personality, and while I loved the “drowning in bitches” comment, she’s just too too much and annoying AF.

This Season

I usually like the craziness and cat fights in the early episodes, but for some reason, this time around, I’m ready to get down to like, the final five. I’m curious to see what Colton’s really looking for and how the finalists will interact with one another when it’s the end of the line (and what their families are like too!). Guess we’ll find out soon enough!

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