“She Just Set You All Up” #RHOBH Recap

“Grief is a process nobody teaches you …” 

I’m trying really hard to have that be the theme of my post today, but all I can keep thinking is …

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Before we get into the Lucy Lucy Apple Juice (wtf) of it all, let’s start at the beginning of Season 9. It opened with a horrendous fight between Kyle and Lisa (and Ken). Honestly, I hate when Bravo does this because it lasts less than a minute, then switches to what, two months prior and Teddi’s new home? Ugh. Just start from Teddi’s house; why get me all worked up and excited for a blow up in the first place, to then take it away from me before it’s over?

I had originally planned to blog the premier episode, but I thought it was overrated and I walked away annoyed. I was annoyed by the Erika/Dorit friendship, I was annoyed watching Rinna work out with her daughters (and goats), I was annoyed Kyle was starting the same fight with Lisa from last year (“You like Dorit more than me”), and I was annoyed that LVP got any personal airtime because she basically has two shows and that’s beyond frustrating for me.

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Oh, and to top it all off, I am so not here for Denise Richards. Liiiike, what makes you cool enough to be the new housewife, marrying Charlie Sheen? Teddi saying, “#Hashtag Winning” to remind us all of it (as if the ladies don’t discuss it enough) was stupid, and to top it all off Richards can’t even dress correctly to roll with this group. Teddi is the hippie with the laid back style, remember? We don’t need Denise. UGH and if Rinna says one more thing about how she was an actress or how she knew so and so or was friends with so and so …

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Things are looking up though, which just goes to show you should never judge a housewives’ season based off the premier! While episode two was also a bit boring, in real life it brought us a Twitter feud we didn’t know we needed between Rinna, Harry Hamlin, and Nicolette Sheridan.

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Apparently, (which Rinna blabbed on the show) Nicolette Sheridan was married to Harry, went to a Michael Bolton concert one night, and that was the end of their marriage. Sheridan went to Twitter to say that wasn’t true.

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As Lisa was telling the story, the other women were all …

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yet Rinna was all …

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“Cheers to Michael Bolton”

Anything to stay relevant is Rinna’s way. Moving right along … let’s get to the Bahamas!

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To recover from her robbery, (anyone else not know she was robbed?) Dorit planned an early in the season trip for the women. If you follow my posts, you know I love me a good housewives’ trip and this one was no exception. Finally, the ladies came to provide some entertainment and many of my thoughts from the first episode shifted: Dorit isn’t that bad, the show is clearly not overrated, and LVP may still deserve sympathy for her brother’s death, but this season she is messy as hell.

I thought the Dog Gate of Season 9 was over and done with, but is any issue ever really solved with these ladies? It was so obvious LVP was pissed at Dorit because she could not stop making digs at her. I counted five during this episode (Not to mention how utterly ridiculous LVP was to Erika regarding the sympathy note … I can’t and I shan’t! #toaster … but for real, I’m not even getting into that because it was insanely dumb).

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I find it so so so SO hard to believe that Rinna didn’t know about the dog drama, but once she did know, man did she tell all she knew: “Guess who came to the table to play?”

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Once that dinner started, it couldn’t be stopped. I loved how Denise had no idea what was going on and Camille did her best to explain. I could go into it all, but I think the ladies said it best:

I had nothing to do with any of it.”

                              “It wouldn’t be out there if you didn’t want it out there.”

“She’s acting like she’s so confused why Dorit’s upset.”

                              “I would love to say I’m shocked, but I’m not.”

“I love Lisa, but that doesn’t mean I’m blind.”

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Again, I want to have sympathy for LVP because she’s going through an extremely hard time and as Rinana did say, we don’t really learn a proper way to grieve. But, at the end of the day … this was a set up. Guess we’ll find out more next week!

 

35 Thoughts During the 91st Academy Awards

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The day we all have been waiting for finally arrived!!

No host? No problem! I’m here to give you a play by play of what went down, what will be talked about, and what I thought of it all!

  • JT’s opening of the Oscars was way better.

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  • A movie montage gets me every time! I’ll take one over a host; I forgot how many fantastic movies came out this year!
  • Having Maya, Tina, and Amy open the show is the smartest move ever!
  • “God is good all the time!” Congrats Regina! (I wasn’t really pulling for anyone here, so yay her!).
  • Obviously Vice deserves to win for Makeup and Hairstyling! Christian Bale was UNRECOGNIZABLE!
  • Sam Rockwell’s face at Melissa McCarthy’s presenting is me … although the bunnies are funny.
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Not the exact face from the show … but you get the idea.

  • Forty minutes in and I’m bored … can you give me a performance or another montage or something?
  • Is Roma going to win everything tonight? I don’t want to watch it and only will if it wins Best Picture.
  • “If you ever want to borrow the dragons, ring me!” XOXO Emilia Clarke!
  • Love Jennifer Hudson; hated the performance.

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  • Crying all over again hearing “I’ll Never Love Again.”

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  • Bohemian Rhapsody wins for sound editing and sound mixing; too obvious that a film about music would win all the sound awards?
  • Wait a minute! Roma is nominated for Best Foreign Language AND Best Picture?? Can you do that? Someone less lazy than me research this.
  • Is Bette Midler in Mary Poppins Returns? I’m not upset to see her; just curious as to why she’s singing this song.Image result for bette midler singing oscars 2019
  • The songs seem to be getting cut short; Bradley and Gaga BETTER NOT get cut off.
  • CONGRATS MAHERSHALA! I am OBSESSED with him! I loved Green Book and I love the current season of True Detective, but I don’t think I would have enjoyed them as much as I did if not for Mahershala Ali. Then he goes and dedicates his award to his grandmother, thanks his wife and daughter?? HE IS THE BEST!!!
  • I don’t really care that a Spiderman movie won, but I did hear many kids loved it, so cool.
  • The Ballad of Buster Scruggs, which this country couuuuuntrrrrry song is from, was surprisingly entertaining. Sad, but entertaining. Try it out one night.
  • I’ve never seen Wayne’s World; am I a pop culture failure?

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  • Cue the Awkwaina and John Mulaney for host next year tweets! So funny! “They gave us one of the big ones!”
  • “I can’t believe a film about ministration just won an Oscar!” Do I need to watch??
  • First Man wins for visual effects; too obvious that a film about space would win the visual award?
  • NO INTRODUCTION NEEDED FOR THIS!!!
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LITERALLY EV-ERY-THINGGGGG!!

  • Wow. I’m shocked to see Green Book win for Best Screenplay, only because there was so much controversy around the story. BUT, I loved the movie and I think it’s so awesome the main character’s real life son wrote it, and now won an Oscar for it!
  • Wow! Congrats Spike Lee on your first Academy Award!
  • I play different movie scores while my students do independent work. Some of my favorites to hear include Forrest Gump & La La Land. The students get so excited when the Star Wars score comes on. The presenters were exactly right; a certain movie score takes you to a particular feeling you had when watching a film.
  • Gaga on her way to an EGOT!
  • Also I had no idea about her necklace! It’s Over 100 carrots and Audrey Hepburn has been the only other star to wear it. QUEEN! (Fact check this, though)
  • Babs!!Image result for bow to someone gif
  • If you’ve seen A Star is Born than you know Bradley Cooper deserved Best Actor more than any others nominated … but congrats Rami Malek anyway (sigh).
  • Oh gosh I didn’t realize Rami is dating his costar from Bohemian Rhapsody !!! I had no idea that was her!
  • Yay Olivia Colman, I guess? I wanted Gaga, but figured Glen Close would win, so meh, whatever.
  • Okay, I take it back. Colman just provided us with one of those great Oscar moments with her speech; a rare occasion when an actor proves to be a actual person with real emotions.
  • JULIAAAAA! That pink!! I’m deceased!
  • In a shocking turn of events …. Green Book wins! Now we don’t have to watch Roma.Image result for green book gif

In closing this award season, I realized nothing makes me happier than sitting with my husband, cuddling with my puppies, and watching a good ass movie. I love a well told story & I love when a film brings people together. Regardless of the snobbery and stuffiness of Hollywood, I will always appreciate the Academy Awards for celebrating each year of great films.

New Jersey Reunion: Round 1

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Jackie, Melissa, Margaret

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Teresa, Dolores, Jennifer

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Who will come out on top?

Teresa

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I was suuuuuper shocked that the first question right out of the gate was to Tre about Joe being deported. However, in classic Andy fashion, he told us we’d get into it all later, aka part three of the reunion.

What we didn’t have to wait for was Teresa going after Jackie. Teresa definitely made her point that Jackie wasn’t allowed to come for her because if you’re not with Teresa, (or “on the Teresa show”) then you’re against her. Tre drove this home be saying something about looking around the room, noticing that anyone who ever attacked Teresa was gone and off the show.

Margaret

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looked amazing, absolutely amazing! Her face, shoes, dress, earrings, EVERYTHING was “on point.”  Plus when going up against Jennifer (again), Margaret handed herself well. Girl earned her seat next to Andy.

Melissa

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can never do anything right, yet I agree with Jackie that Melissa has become the number one girl in this group (referring to when Jackie called her the Carrie). I think some of the other women can’t handle this … or maybe just one woman. I couldn’t believe Teresa said Melissa needed to be on the other couch, in referencing alliances. No longer am I confused about why Melissa is in so much trouble with Teresa at the reunion. Melissa didn’t agree with Tre on certain issues this season and in the end, it’s looking as if Melissa sided with those “against Teresa.”

Also, did Melissa call Teresa irrational??

Jennifer

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After hating Jennifer in the beginning of the season, to growing to like her by the finale, she was able to make me go back to hating her in just the first ten minutes of the reunion. She sounded so dumb talking about Oklahoma. Just because you’re a city person doesn’t mean you can hate hate hate on how or where others live. We already went through this already with Vicki Gunvalson.

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Speaking of hate, or maybe more of a dislike, I was shocked that Margaret v. Jennifer would be brought up so soon.  After reaching what I thought was a reasonable bit of closure to their disagreements during the season, at the reunion Jennifer went and called Marge Senior a “homewrecker.” Damn girl, say whatever you want about Margaret, but it’s an extremely low blow when you go insulting someone’s mother. Perhaps it even shows the kind of person you are …

Jackie

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“Took on Teresa and lived to tell about it.”

I will admit that after the picture of Jackie at Teresa’s book signing came out, it was hard for me to look at her the same way I had since the start of the season. I really liked Jackie from day one, but that picture made my thoughts shift to her having a possible agenda being on the show, a “I want to be famous” agenda. But stalker (??) I’m not so sure. Then again, maybe Jackie wants to be forever known as the one who took Teresa down … ???

Dolores

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I COMPLETELY forgot that Andy was the one to spill the beans to Dolores about Frank being disbarred. However, I ship Frelores hardcore. Based off what she said on the reunion though, she seems pretty serious about her boyfriend, David. Buuuut, I predict that on the next season Frank will be around just as often as he’s always been. 

Still to come

I’ll be back to recap once parts two & three have aired. I’m looking forward to hearing Joe’s thoughts on the Melissa/Teresa feud, plus the Danielle of it all! Until next time, don’t lose your mind, don’t flip any tables, and keep your lip liner tight like a baboon!

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“No Children, No Parents, No Husbands” — We Gotta Talk About Jersey!

Tequila, monkeys’ assholes, & broken glasses

Jersey is BACK! After many seasons of snoozeville, The Real Housewives of New Jersey has returned with the heat … and I’m not just talking about the weather in Mexico.

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Let’s begin with that first dinner in Cabo… 

I think it all starts with Jennifer drinking. Listen, do I blame her for getting white girl wasted in Mexico? Hell to the no … we’ve all been there. I gave myself a black eye once in Mexico when I slipped and my face broke my fall. However, Jennifer calling Teresa’s gift ugly (drunk or not) was inappropriate and rude.

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I also find it interesting that Margaret can say whatever she wants in response, fully sober, and yet for me, she’s never wrong. The obvious housewife response to Jennifer’s necklace attack is a returned below the belt comment. The Marg did what the show asks of her with the whole lip liner looks like a monkey’s asshole comment.

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And while I may be Team Margaret (& probably always will be), Jennifer’s response of “Yeah, a monkey’s asshole, that you f***ing sucked, probably!” will forever go down in housewives history along with

  • “Get off my jock”
  • “Who gon’ check me boo?”
  • “Jesus jugs”

and “Prostitution whore!” You can watch the women’s reaction to the whole argument here.

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Honestly, thank you ladies. It was amazing television.

But wait, we aren’t done …

The sun did come out eventually and tempers cooled off, yet, round two was coming. While the ladies did enjoy some pool and shopping time (who takes their Chanel bag out on the streets of Mexico?), at the second dinner (was it really only the second dinner?), Marg and Jennifer were back out at it again. I don’t even remember how it all got brought up, but in true housewife fashion, past comments never really die. The conversation turned to the remarks Jennifer had made about Margaret’s mother cheating with a married man, as Margaret did herself. The Marg fired back with comments about Jennifer’s husband sleeping in the pool house and having a girlfriend.

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Relive that here.

Anyone who thought Margaret was a terrible human for the comments she made at this dinner is so wrong because The Marg immediately apologized when Jennifer returned to the table (what, less than 10 minutes after making the mean comments), and told Jennifer she said them just to hurt her and there was no truth in the comments. This is honestly huge because apologies in the housewives’ world can take weeks, months, and even years to produce. Margaret admitted right away she was wrong.

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While it seemed the dust was finally settling in Cabo, a hurricane called Danielle Staub was brewing, and broken glass, threats, & fueled tempers would be left in her wake.

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If you haven’t caught on yet this season, please realize in New Jersey, you do not mention children, parents, or husbands in an argument. Danielle is so slimy, of course she brings up Margaret’s children (& even her grandchildren) in an argument that I’m not even sure where it started in the first place. (Can’t these ladies have one nice dinner on vacation?). Margaret being the queen of the trip she is, took Delores’s wine (because why waste her own drink) and threw it at Danielle. My favorite part of this whole scene was by the time everyone stood up and Danielle was ready to retaliate, Margaret was already walking up the stair, sashaying in that green dress of hers.

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“Had Danielle talked about my children, she’d have no teeth left.”

“Teresa, this one [points to Danielle] has you going in f***ing circles.”

The drama didn’t stop there because Melissa then got upset that someone broke or threw a glass at her (while she was pointing fingers at Danielle and Jennifer). This led to crazy-eyed Jennifer to break another glass, hold a shard of it at Melissa, and say something along the lines of “if I threw a glass at you, you’d know”

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Yeah … that man in the scene? That’s security.

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Who’s exhausted at this point and just wants to fly home to Jersey? On this week’s episode the girls did just that, and even appeared to eventually all make up: Teresa and Melissa, Teresa and Margaret, Jennifer and Dolores, Jennifer and Melissa. But where was Danielle?

The Danielle of It All …

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This shady bitch (in my opinion) is the sole cause of many arguments this season. You can “boo hoo” all you want about how horrible she was treated on social media regarding her behavior on the show, but honey, you signed up for all this.

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First, her treatment of Margaret and all the women at her wedding was absolutely atrocious. While she did apologize for it on WWHL with Andy, still not okay. After her wedding, she was still twisting words to show Margaret in a terrible light with the other ladies. And finally, at the explosive, glass shattering dinner in Mexico, Danielle was the one to bring up the Marg/Jennifer fight (which had already been squashed), and then wouldn’t let the conflict go by taking it to another level discussing Margaret’s kids.

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I have nothing even left to say about Snobielle Stupid Staub; we’ll let her run her mouth at the reunion. Speaking of the reunion, it sounds like it’s set to be explosive, AND it’s sooner than you think because next week is the RHONJ season finale.

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Overall, this season has redeemed New Jersey as queens in the housewives’ universe and I can not freaking wait for the next coming weeks as we wrap up it all up!